7

 Today I’m listening to: „Always Love” by Nada Surf

7 years and seems like It’s been here forever. This space to some point made me who I am now. My safe space where nobody knows me, No one knows who I am, What I do, where I am. I feel like more than ever I need to stay unrecognizable. I need to redesign and clear some areas. Because really: Why do some people have to lie? Lie about their New relationships because they crave to be wanted again or whatever there is.  I’m not really a Saint myself. But in these cases I don’t mess around. Truth and good heart will save you. Not stress, not hatered, not feeling like you control the other person and definetely not jealousy (because really, What to be jealous for If you already know this particular path?). So here it is to the small steps towards making yourself feel really good by giving good. Let’s drop these harnesses and feel free again. 

Fits perfectly

 Today I'm listening to: "Everybody's Changing" by Keane

"Trying to make a move just to stay in the game

I try to stay awake and remember my name

But everybody's changing and I don't feel the same"

Surprising how sometimes you hear a tune and it so applies to the state you're in. Have you ever experienced it?

Time

 Today I'm listening to: "Drift" Forty Foot Echo

How much can happen in a few hours? Let's see: people cheat, get engaged, break up, say "yes" at the altar, get divorced, kill a man, eat their breakfast and it's all a matter of a very short period of time. It takes just a few seconds to pull a trigger. How surprising is that. We often think of the events and motives and outcomes. But we rarely think of how much time it takes. Some of the most important things take just a few seconds. It's obviously different when it comes to surrounding events. But really, the most powerful stuff happens in a blink of an eye. Maybe that's why sometimes we wish we could erase some past events? Because in reality, they were so short we weren't really sane when they happened. We might have still been in our heads when reality kept going on. This perspective surprised me. 

Emptiness of The Walls

 The Emptiness of The Walls

I'm here alone

Nobody's here to save me

I have to save myself

but I'm lost in a crowd of lines and structures

The lines will save me

but it won't be today

Today I'm staying alone

feeling emptiness of the walls

M. All the rights reserved. Please don't copy.

No man's an island

 Today I’m listening to: „Something to Talk About" by Badly Drawn Boy

No man’s an island. Was Jon right? 

At most times I believe he was wrong. At most times I feel like I’m an island. Maybe we’re all Islands just collapsing from time to time? 

When starting a new chapter in life why is it so easy for us to reminiscent on the past. 

Why do we feel like making the same mistakes again could feel like something incredible? Things are never What they seem to be... 

Today I'm listening to: "Teardrop" by Massive Attack 

"Wedding- sacrum- reception- death- conflagration- destruction- funeral- depression- loneliness- anger- hatered- introversion- alleviation- acceptance- dailiness"

Something I found, words coming from someone. About me. If your life was a movie, what kind of character would you be?

There's not much you can do about it. Think.

 Today I'm listening to: "I Don't Wanna Go With You Like That" by Elton John

This song was recommended to me by a stranger. It seems to fit perfectly to the story I'm about to tell. There are ones who will stay clueless and self- centered and there's not much you can do about it. I met a few of these people before. And it's been a hell of a ride. There has been times when I was even in love with "This type" of people. But I'm slowly learning what is my value. And God knows it took me a long time to realise I have any value at all. After all if you've been following me for quite a while you just know. What I'm meaning to say here is that I would really like to show you on my example that I't not worth to dive into somebody else and forget about yourself. It's not good to take things for granted. Because you can never be sure that something that comes is going to stay. I dare you to reflect on what's difficult for you. After all sometimes thinking can hurt. But if there is a destination to acceptance town then it's Worth it. trust me. 

Leave and believe

Today I'm listening to: "People Help The People" by Cherry Ghost

There is a great need of unity in the World we're living in. How many heartbreaks can a single body take? (don't confuse it with the body of a single). Why people we care about always leave? 

And why do they come back only to leave again a moment later? What's the reason for all that? Why to trust, give it all out only to be left alone? Why some give away millions of words but non of them function in the reality? I'm confused, I'm lost, a year ago I thought that I have found my way, that I have really gained the strenght and that I can conqer all of my fears. Now? I'm not so sure. When given an opportunity of a lifetime I still seem to have some doubts. I wish that my love would be enough. The only ting I know now is that: there are  7,795,406,68 people in this world. Seven bilion souls and yes, really, sometimes all you need is one. Somewhere out there there's a soul that we need. And when we find it, the actions will be real, they will be fuc**** tough but at the same time easy in our hearts. Believe. I try to still believe. "I Still Believe in You", Flyte. 

Hung in the air between the old and the wanted.

But wanted seems to be already someone's, 

not mine.

There's nothing that's truely mine

And I get lost

Because I want some comfort,

I need that rock to catch all the punches I have.

But it doesn't exist.

I keep dreaming that one day it will

and all the hallucinations will go away

just like the old feelings did

And I wonder...

Today I'm listening to: "death bed (coffee for your head) by Powfu ft. beabadoobee

How to find the source when so many things are around and you just can't choose which ones are important and which ones are simply not? Is it possible to get a complete clarity? And if the answer is "yes" then another question is "how"? Will the questions ever come to an end or will we endlessly look for something that might not even exist? And I wonder...

in the right time

Today I'm listening to: "Girls Go Wild" by LP

Here's the thing: there are some people that show up in our lives in the right moment and in the right time. That's all there is. I believe it's all ment to be. That there was no other way in the process. Sometimes I tend to confuse the meanings of these situations. I tend to get attached to the people, places and situations that are fleeting. One may ask: why is that? The answer is not all that simple. I believe it might be the need to fit in. That if something makes me happy why can't it stay forever this way? But the truth is these situations and people are so meaningful because the happen to be in the right place and time. That their presence is trying to show me that hope is so important. Would this all be so meaningful if it was forever? If we could just take it for granted? I don't think so. Let's appreciate our past for what it was. The lessons we learned, the air we breathed in. It all has an impact on what we are now. Let's not expect that it all was given to us forever. Our forever is now, everyday we have a new forever. Hope is what truely saves us. 

Today I'm listening to: 

Can you hear me?

Today I'm listening to: "Sailing" by Rod Steward

Can you hear me? Today I'm on that sea in a big ship swept by the wind and cold breeze. That's where you'll find me.

Today I'm listening to: "I'll Be Missing You" by Diddy, Faith Evans and 112

I'll be missing you Peyton. The way you were a year ago. God I miss that girl. It's been a year. I learned, I survived big fire, drought, flood and earthquakes but also several sunshines, rainbows and clear skies. Do you ever miss who you were in the past? Even if I used to know less I believed in love as the strongest power. I believed in that one human that could make you feel like heaven. It all changed and evolved. I still believe in that human. It's just less defined now. Less obvious. It all seems much more real and more anticipaded. It's all gonna happen. I know it. 

Long gone

Today I'm listening to: "Roxanne" by The Police

The happening is an unexpected artistic action, 
you don't even have to be artist to do that. It's all about natural and instinctive participation. 
Sounds familiar? I couldn't help but wonder, what if it all is just an illusion for us to understand what is really important? After such a long time feelings that have been gone are coming back again. Why does it happen? Why can't I just forget? It all starts with the lights being dimmed and it slowly becomes more and more clear. Two creatures coming from the shadows, seeking answers among Thr Crowd. Is it over or just a beginning? Will they ever fight The Crowd of their own insecurities, ideas and doubts and find the way to each other? Or will they be swallowed by The Crowd forever seeking?